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Hey John Cena, the 80’s called; They want their action movie back! Yup, that’s right, 16 years after the 80’s ended WWE brings us, in an attempt to launch the career of one of their stars, a simple action movie starring wrestler John Cena, who is kinda like a Matt Damon on steroids. It takes us back to the era when one musclebound man could take on complete armies, save the world and be back in time for dinner. Let’s take a closer look as we dive into the world of the marines.
Well we start off with some American Soldiers who are held hostage at an Al Qaeda camp 100 miles outside of Tikrit, Iraq as the movie informs us. These soldiers are about to star in one of those well-viewed internet-movies where they all get to act as the Headless Horsemen only without the horse. But wait! Right outside the camp Marine John Triton (Cena) is watching… Hey wait a minute, he’s a marine, shouldn’t he be on a ship or something or at least in a wet environment? What is a marine doing in the desert of Iraq? Well anyway, he’s watching this and informing his superiors who mention there is back-up underway. But because they will never be on time John goes in gun blazin’ and saves the day like a good little 80’s action star. Bring in the Purple Heart for this guy! Well, not quite. Since he disobeyed a direct order he is fired from the Marine Corps and goes home unemployed. Life’s just unfair isn’t it? So our hero takes up a job as security in an office building but gets fired within a day as escorting someone of the premises ends up in throwing said person through a glass window.
Time for a vacation then and while stopping at a gas station there just so happen to be some ruthless bank-robbers on the run there who kidnap John’s extremely hot wife and thus force the marine to come into action doing everything he can to save her.
Now the movie was preposterous like most of the 80’s action movies were preposterous, but that’s what makes them fun to watch. The Marine is one of those movies that you can watch with your brain turned off and still be entertained. Actually I’m pretty sure that is the only way to watch this film or else you probably won’t be able to suspend your disbelief. Something you will do a lot during the course of the film.
One of the most over the top scenes is when his wife has just been kidnapped and John pursuits in a police car of which the officer is wounded. This car gets shot up with hundreds of bullets who all miraculous never hit John. Like with Rambo I always wonder: if the army had one of these guys in real life armed conflicts would have ended a lot sooner and always in their favor.
There’s also another scene in which he gets pulled over by a cop who thinks he might be one of the guys he’s chasing as the Police are hot on everybody’s trail. So what does John do, he slams the cop onto the ground, cuffs him and steals his boat. Great idea, at the end of the movie you might have saved your wife but you’re doing 10-to-20.
You’ve seen this movie before. It doesn’t differ at all from movies like Rambo: First Blood Part II or Commando. Well, the one-liners are missing, but other than that this is just a movie with a plot that fits on a Rizla but with enough action and stunts to keep your cravings satisfied. It doesn’t pretend to be more and I like that, because on a general level this is a bad movie. It’s unoriginal, it’s uninspired, it’s got a charisma-less lead character and you know from the minute the action starts where and how it’s going to end. Well at least they tried to give the bad guys some distinct personalities although nothing to elaborate. There’s Rome, the leader played by Robert Patrick who even gets a wink in the script when John Cena is described as a terminator. Then there’s Morgan who’s constantly mentioning that everybody around him is a racist and has a rather disturbing monologue about this one time at bandcamp his counselor did somewhat of a bad touch or something like that. I’m not sure if it was meant to be funny actually.
So there you have it; a movie that won’t make John Cena a star just like that. And having watched this movie and 12 Rounds I’m not betting any money on him actually getting a career as a movie star. It’s fun to watch with your brain turned off but nothing more than that.
